Prelude: Thank you so very much Jesus, the pressure, the prophecy, the prompt, it all culminates in praise and truly, nothing is impossible with you.
I remember early last year breaking down over the phone while chatting up my mom about my anxiety, the multitude of it, my hyperventilations and the knotting of my entrails at the sight of familiar dreadful papers. At the time, I held a blue heart for a poor-pained soul, fractured by the simulation of sittings after sittings reproving my competence. I was giving up on my all-knowing ways, my will wasn't a little wrecked or was it really my pride which lay bare, shuttered?
See, I had a pretty solid disposition despite my uncle's remarks that advanced levels were in fact ''no joke.''
''|'ll graduate university, get exemptions and sit through them easy...without any retakes.'' I'd scoffed? In the belief that I'm a bright student.
Work plus evening classes materialized as something wretched, if not utterly exhausting! What with commutes beating Nairobi's traffic. I suddenly held much respect for my parents, how they’d managed over the years while raising us is a miracle in itself. However, I was altogether ready to quit had it not been my ma's encouragement and my deep desire to be certified; have some repose from all these arithmetic differentiations [literally]. I couldn't imagine redoing a whole flipping section considering the revised examination syllabi and policies looming. I was quickly coming undone at the seams. November was ideally my last chance, I'd procastinated enough, paced, prayed, pondered all the possibilities of finally phasing into a fullness.
I remember waking up to a dream, wearing a Strathmore gown hugging this uncle of mine in delight. I couldn't make sense of it back in October like I do now but there was an urgency in my spirit to redeem my time, having cast my lot to the LORD. He alone knew I'd slacked and slumped predisposed to quarantine nothingness. I felt a nudge to book the second paper which was quite something in itself, if not another mighty grace...the registration deadline was extended. So, I purposed to put in the work two weeks to this sitting, weary and worried but believing altogether.
The dates 7th, 27th & 30th forever meaning something, from redemption to reprise and restitution. I had this Peace I can't explain, it anchored the depths of my soul, dawning a Light and warmth therein. I prayed for this, for this I praise the Most High even Jesus for all the joy of a hope that doesn't disappoint. I keep thinking what if I never listened to His voice? And took a step forward? What if I never listened to the words spoken by my ma in due season of this dreadful angst I had to overcome.
Completed, my status reads in the portal, pleased to by anything at all in this world, humbled to perceive the ways The Lord's mighty right hand enabled me, showing me futures before they become. Unto Him be all The Glory & Honor & Praise even as I rejoice.
Yours truly,
Shirlin.
